Deliver your heavy load
Ice Road Truckers are a hardy breed, and no wonder. They have to haul their massive rigs over treacherous ice roads, which in reality are not roads at all, but iced over rivers which can cand do crack from time to time. Their unusual occupation became a highly popular reality TV series. The third series aired just last year, and seasoned as ice trucker Thom Beers explained:
“At the top of the world, there’s a job only a few would dare. Last season, the dash for the cash was fought on the smooth playing field of Canada’s Arctic ice. This season, two old pros join four of America’s bravest truckers to tackle the tundra’s deadliest ice passage. Just when you thought extreme trucking couldn’t get more dangerous, ice road truckers take on Alaska. These are the truckers who make their living on thin ice.”
These tough truckers have to go for months without female companionship, so even on overnight pit stops a little rumpy pumpy is out of the question.
For these macho truckers we recommend the Autoblow Blast (except while driving of course!). The Autoblow Blast is the world’s first automatic blowjob machine, guaranteed to warm up even the coldest cock as the silver beads ride up and down the entire shaft.
There’s no danger of falling asleep at the wheel riding this machine, the powerful sensations of the Autoblow Blast authentically simulate a deep throat blowjob and will ensure any trucker makes an on time delivery of his heavy load over and over again.
Of course you don’t have to be a bearded ice trucker to enjoy the pleasures of an Autoblow Blast – try the Autoblow Blast yourself in the comfort of your nice warm home. But, a word to the wise, if you’re married maybe you should discuss it with your partner first, or you too could be driving on thin ice.
Check it out at www.roboticblowjob.com
Little Moe and the Autoblow
If you took something from Nasty John Coley, you either had some kind of mental imbalance or a death wish. But Saturday night while Nasty John was out carousing, that’s just what Travers Jefferson did. Walked right into his room and walked out again with his Autoblow Blast blowjob machine.
Now when you take the finest automatic deep throat blowjob machine in the world off a man, you can expect them to be mighty put out. When you took the machine off of Nasty John Coley, you could reliably count on him to tear you six new assholes. Incredibly, Travers Jefferson even had the audacity to leave his calling card.
So it came as no surprise to Travers that even before six bells on the Sunday morning, Nasty John was kicking his door open and holding his six shooter to Travers’ head.
“I’ve come for my Autoblow” growled Nasty John.
“John” said Travers, lightly, “I’m impressed. You even put on a clean collar to come visit me. That’s the smartest I’ve seen you in a long time.”
“I’ve come for my Autoblow asshole, not to discuss my laundry, now go get it”
“I’d be happy to do that John, but my friend Little Moe is currently availing himself of it. He just loves the way the Autoblow perches on his John Hancock, but there’s a problem.”
Nasty John actually laughed, well not so much laugh, more an ugly, hollow death cackle.
“You got balls, I’ll give you that.”
Then he pressed his six gun right up against Travers’ temple and turned nastier than before.
“Just before I paint the walls with your brains, go tell Little Moe to say his prayers and get the fuck off of my Autoblow.”
“Oh” said Travers politely “You can tell him yourself, here he is now.” Nasty John turned to look at Little Moe, only he found himself looking at Little Moe’s belt. To see his face you had to crane your neck all the way up North.
“Holy shit” said Nasty John, “Why the hell you call him Little Moe?”
“Irony” said Travers.
Little Moe was 7 foot tall, and 350 pounds of toned muscle, and he didn’t look happy. He looked even less happy when Nasty John pointed his piece at him. His reaction was to grab the pistol with one mighty fist and compress it until it was nothing more than a useless piece of metal which he dropped on the floor.
Now Nasty John was nasty, but when confronted with superior odds, he knew his next best bet was negotiation.
“Ok,” said Nasty John, “You got my Autoblow, so what’s the problem?”
“Well now John” said Travers, “You’re nasty, and you sure are ugly, but I never put you down for dumb. What the hell do you think I want?”
Nasty John just stood there looking real mean and dumbfounded. Little Moe took a menacing step closer to him.
“Why do you suppose I left my calling card?” said Travers.
“The problem is John, Little Moe needs the batteries for the multi-speed controller.
Little Moe extended a massive hand to receive them.
That’s when Nasty John got real smart in a hurry and handed them over.
Make mine kinky
If you’re looking for something a bit different from the usual rabbit vibrator or pocket pussy, and you have a partner with whom you’d like to try out a few fantasies, there’s a whole kinky cargo load of fun to be had online. Try experimenting with some of these ideas and discover a whole new side to your sexuality.
Head Job Ball Gag
Like the picture shows, get your guy to don this rubber ball gag harness and ride the 6.5” phthalate free dong. This one puts you firmly in the driving seat while he has no choice but to shut up and take it.
Beginner’s Dominatrix Kit
If you’re just getting started with Femdom, or even if you’re a seasoned player, this is an ideal accessory kit. Command your sex slave as you hide your eyes behind the soft face mask. Slide on the fishnet stockings, arm yourself with your favorite pair of spiked heels and walk all over him, then bring him sharply into line with the mini crop. A great BDSM kit for those just venturing into kinky play.
Inflatable Bondage Bed
An instant erotic playground, and the world’s first inflatable, multi-function Bondage Bed mattress system. It features 8 position handles and 13 multi-purpose eyelets for endless pleasure possibilities! The kit includes 4 adjustable cuffs and 4 adjustable tethers to form all kinds of elaborate restraint combinations. Explore positions you never thought were possible! The bed holds up to 550 lbs.
Beginner’s Enema
Designed to be both pleasurable and practical, this water bulb and hose attachment is comfortable, easy-to-use and safe for beginners. The squeeze bulb’s tapered tip is soft and slim, while the clear PVC hose attachment can be used to douche as well. Perfect for unisex play.
v
Billy is a gentleman’s G-spot massager designed to explore the incredible pleasure of the perineum and prostate. Billy offers sustained control through five differing stimulation modes with breathtaking results. The vibes can be kept mild during arousal, then gradually increased to earth moving effect. Made by high end Swedish sex toy designers Lelo, this massager can be used solo or with a partner.
Single Locking Suction Handles
These are a perfect starter handle or grip. What’s it for? Attach these to your bathroom tiles and you can get up to all kinds of fun with your partner, using the grips to execute a range of sexual positions that would normally make things slippery when wet.
Singapore Stinger
Why spare the rod when you can restore instant discipline and respect with this superbly flexible cane. Perfect for meting out memorable punishment on the bottoms of very naughty boys and girls.
When the boy becomes the toy
Some boys have a thing for thongs. First rule of being a thong wearer is to have the bod to carry it off. Nothing looks worse than an overweight thong wearing Chippendale wannabe. The other thing is, much past the age of 30 and it stops looking sexy and starts looking sad.
But while you have it, flaunt it. Here’s a selection of hot thongs designed to make the right guy become the hottest adult sex toy on the block. All are readily available online.
Sven O Slit Boxers
Hot, black tight boxers by Sven O, with seductive slits to reveal a toned butt and accentuate the bulge. Hands can eagerly explore upwards or downwards
Leather Penis Pouch
There’s not much to it, but then that’s the whole point. This leather penis pouch definitely works on the principle that less is more. Don’t expect it to remain comfortable with the thong string riding into your ass throughout the day, but at night time when you want to impress the partner in your life, this could be just the trick.
Lock-it Men’s String
A wet look pouch designed to lock your cock out of harm’s way. The penis is tightly laced in the upright position and the fun starts when your partner starts to unwrap the goods.
Strip Thong
The Strip Thong comes with a velcro patch to hold the thong in place until when the time is right to rip it away. Perfect for that hen night strip show they’ve booked you in for, or for your Chippendale’s audition.
Bondage Master Buckle Shorts
You have to accept you are likely to get beaten up if you wear these shorts in certain places, but these naughty buckled bondage shorts could be just right for the bedroom, for your next Gay Pride march or indeed a Wham reunion tour should it ever occur.
Mesh Thong
If you want to get some air in your underwear the mesh thong is just the thing. The front is fully see through, and the back, well the back doesn’t exist at all until other than to ride up your butt leaving you looking very cheeky indeed.